Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the thoughts and feelings of everything I have to do and the biggest frustration is the lack of time. I’m finding this more, as I get older, in fact, time takes on a whole new meaning. It’s no longer this thing that “I can’t wait to turn 16 to drive or 21 to drink.” I remember thinking as a kid how a year seemed like an eternity and now the pages of time flip by so fast, I can’t help but say, “Where did the time go?” As we get to different stages in our lives, we take on new perspectives and our priorities change and things that we thought were so important may not be. Also our responsibilities and obligations start to add up and we sometimes loose ourselves in the midst of all the chaos.
Growing up, I always remember my mother having the heart of a giver and still to this day she does. If she had to, she would not only sacrifice her life for her family but she would give her last piece of bread to someone in need. Those memories stay in my mind and have helped shape me. I can’t imagine doing an occupation that doesn’t allow me to help or give to others. For me, it’s the ultimate high knowing that I did something helpful or good to someone else. It’s not to say that I have not been burned many times doing so but still I can’t imagine not giving. My hope is that others would do the same in return. However, there are times that I loose myself and who I am and I find my attitude towards life changing. Balance has always been a challenge, how much do I give or when do I stop or should I even help that person? Each situation is unique as well as the individual whom I consider. What I do know is, I can’t allow my heart to harden and I try to keep in mind that everyone makes mistakes and deserves another chance and the one chance maybe the changing one, so I try to use that as my guide but I’m also human. I always like to sometimes describe myself as a cup with many straws and sometimes I have too many sippers and not enough pours. So recently, I thought it would be a good idea to go on a trip alone just to feel what it’s like to not have any straws in my cup and to refill. The city and state I chose to stay in was Saint George Utah because I’d been there many years ago. And I relish in the fact that it’s a town that does not have a lot of busyness compared to the city. I also knew that the artistic landscape and vibrant shades of reddish brown was what I needed to bring fire back into my soul. Prior to the trip I felt drained, guilty for leaving my family, work left undone, etc…Long story short, I’m glad I took the time to make that trip. I can’t tell you how much it cleared my head and it allowed me to take on some new challenges. I think my favorite part of the trip was going on hikes alone and even though the weather would change dramatically at times, I still had this sense of freedom, calm and renewal being out amongst Gods creations. Of course it was hard to come back to reality but my thoughts and memories of my trip help sustain me.
Next year I plan on doing it again because there is a sense of peace that I found and this un-need to be surrounded by people I know all the time. I must confess…it’s nice having the feeling of not having to be anything to anybody except to be you. A wise yoga instructor and a friend of mine once said, “the center of the center of you.” What that means to me is going back to the center of me and making that center stronger, wiser and better overall. It's not to say that I have it all figured out because I don’t and still have my own battles like everyone else and I by no means am close to perfect but what I do know is finding the center of you and what your all about is part of the key to making your life the best it can be. And sometimes you have to remove yourself from everything and everyone to be in that center.
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